HOUSEBOUND

For the past three weeks, I’ve been housebound, following rotator cuff surgery. For the lucky uninitiated, this is surgery done to repair torn tendons and sometimes muscles (in my case, both). Mine was done arthroscopically, which is less invasive, but my arm will still be immobilized for at least six to seven weeks. I’ve been pretty much stuck at home since the surgery on February 2nd, and my right arm has been useless ever since a fall on January 2nd.

It’s not as much fun as you’d think.

While most of us can find ways to enjoy a sick day or two, 3 weeks of inactivity has become very old for me. So, at the risk of coming across as a complete nutjob, I’m going to write my next few blog entries about this housebound experience.

Today’s entry is on FASHION DESIGN FOR THE POST-OP PATIENT. Currently, I’m sporting only two looks – night-time jammies and the daytime equivalent, yoga pants and loose-fitting button-down shirt. I can’t use my right arm to pull up, pull over, zip, hook, or tie, so everything has to be on the level of a 4-year-old’s dressing-themselves skill. And even then, my hubby has to help. Again, surprisingly, not as much fun as you’d think.

My fashion jammies are all purple. Stripes, print and plaid, they’re from the Wal-mart Simply Basic line, remarkably comfortable, with a collar which helps prevent chafing from the strap of my arm sling, and even a pocket, fortunately on the left side, just big enough to hold a cell phone.

Despite having added numerous items to my wardrobe last fall in preparation for my high svhool reunion, almost none of them are wearable now. I have only two blouses that fulfill my current needs. I can’t stand anything the slightest bit scratchy or snug, because the sling exacerbates these problems. I also can’t raise my arm to put on a pullover or turtleneck, and even a wide-neck pullover doesn’t work because I also have to wear a hook-front sports bra and the straps show, because they ride much higher on the shoulder. I bought some additional blouses but didn’t realize before buying that the elbow-length sleeves would chafe my elbow inside the sling. Gahhhh. With my two identical white blouses, I also have the option of either black or navy blue yoga pants. Wow, really stylin’ and profilin’. Picture to yourself my footwear selection – bright blue fuzzy house slippers or white cotton socks, and you’ll know why I don’t go out much, even when I get the chance. The sports bra alone, with its dreaded ‘uniboob’ effect, is enough to scar me (and any onlookers) for life.

One semi-bright spot – the fingernails on my right hand have never been so lovely. They’re long (for me) and ALL THE SAME LENGTH. The left hand nails, not so much.

Okay, enough for today. I typed this one-handed, which is not twice as difficult as two-handed but exponentially more of a pain in the patootie. Next blog – PAIN IN THE PATOOTIE, or Why does my furniture hate me?

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2 Responses to HOUSEBOUND

  1. joelle says:

    Hahaha! I am laughing WITH you, not at you. I can totally relate. Believe me. My choice of crazy fuzzy socks are now the highlight of my wardrobe selection. I look like a Dr. Seuss character some days. You look great. Maybe you can bedazzle your sling! Glad you are on the road to recovery, one armed or otherwise. Hang in there. Can’t wait for the next one.

    • Jacki says:

      HaHa! I laughed out loud. My favorite lines were about the “uniboob” (I’m actually going for that look right at this moment). I like to hoist them back into their proper location once in awhile but it never lasts long.

      I also liked the line about Matt helping you dress, but that is was not as much fun as one would think. I’m looking forward to the “pain in the patootie” article….

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